Fast Blinking Hello Kitty

For Emma, forever ago

The air felt like childhood against my bare skin, as if the wind was going to blow back the times, ever so lightly. Even now I still play pretend, you know, every white lie, each censored sentence, too familiar counterfeit smiles. But for now this, only this, is it. This is the world falling apart and coming back together. We stood there in your driveway like the distracted kids we wished we still were, popsicles forgotten in our hands, desire dripping down our forearms, orange and sweet, summer has left indelible stains on my skin. we watched the sun fall down and felt sad, a little.


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havsglimt:

I have this and I’m eternally happy for it. 

havsglimt:

I have this and I’m eternally happy for it. 

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It’s you. It’s been you for the past 486 days. Since the moment I met you. It’s you at 2 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon. It’s you when I’m sleeping and studying and eating and laughing. You are everywhere and you are everything.

2am thoughts  (via deliriosity) +

What is there to say? Everything is hard. Returning phone calls. Not choking when I try to speak. Getting out of bed. What is there to do? I put foot in front of foot and trust that I will not wobble enough to give myself away. Pour concrete into my mouth to have an excuse for struggling with answering questions. Stare at the window. Look at hills and think of five years from now, of eventual sleep, of digging a hole and jumping inside. I train myself to half-listen when others speak and still hear the noise in my chest. I nod appropriately. What else is there? Get up. Go. Go. Go. Pause. Go. Accelerate. Go. Go go go. No stop. No exit. No time to reflect. Just experience after experience, and then the shaky seconds spent recovering from them. Pouring black coffee into wounds. Getting your feelings hurt over people who are not thinking of you in that way, have never thought of you in that way. Wasting time playing the game, the same game, hoping it will work this time around. I have put all of my effort into things that never wanted me back, in hopes that I could change the outcome. How else can I communicate this? I do not want to try anything, with anyone, anymore.

Anything Anyone Anymore, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis) +

10 Things to Give Up

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Trying to please, and be acceptable, to others
2. The fear of making a mistake
3. The fear of change
4. A fear of the future
5. Guilt or shame that’s tied to your past
6. Beating yourself up or putting yourself down
7. Over-thinking
8. Living by your feelings
9. The desire to get even with others
10. The tendency to procrastinate.

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drilfucker:

if u can’t handle me at my needy and over emotional and irrational u don’t deserve me at my pretending to hold it together

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Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it, it just means reducing the pain to a tolerable level, a level that doesn’t destroy you. I know that right now the idea of getting over it is unimaginable. It’s impossible, inconceivable, unthinkable. You don’t want to get over it. Why should you? It’s all you’ve got. You don’t want kind words, you don’t care what other people think or say, you don’t want to know how they felt when they lost someone, They’re no you, are they! They can’t feel what you feel. The only thing you want is the things you can’t have. It’s gone. Never coming back. No one know how that feels. No one know what it’s like to reach out and touch someone who isn’t there and will never be there again. No one knows the unifiable emptiness.

Kevin Brooks, Lucas (via larmoyante) +

If your past calls and tells you that he misses you, hang up calmly and go hug your present.

Gibran Khalil Gibran (via hisworkofart) +

I’ve been wanting to contact you
but I can’t figure out what to say

because now it’s 1pm on September 1st
and I’m spinning around in the pink lingerie
you bought me for our anniversary
and I’m spinning so fast,
looking down,
watching the pink ruffles twist and turn
I’m so dizzy and I can’t stop laughing,
waiting for my eyes to focus
and when they do you’re not there
so I keep spinning.
I keep spinning.

because now it’s night time in our small town
and I’m up sitting crossed legged on my perfectly made bed
and I’m tapping my thumbs on my thighs
to the beat of all of the songs we used to sing.

because now it’s me driving across that bridge
to sit in my parent’s driveway
the same way we did when we were 16,
arms crossed in a bed of ants,
laughing into the night
at the same time as the singing crickets.

because now it’s my birthday
I make a wish
and it’s you.

I’ve been wanting to contact you
but I can’t figure out what to say

she said,
“tell me. tell me what you think you’d say.”
I laugh while pulling a lighter
out of the pocket of my yellow sundress
and whisper,
I’d say:

hey.
it’s me
and it’s always been you.

so I keep spinning and I keep spinning//d.a.h (via whisperingbones) +

My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.

Louis Adamic  (via thatkindofwoman) +
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